Broken Heart Empty Belly Diet

Happy day of Lurve my beautiful fluffies! Today I am writing a diet review, because I care about your looks health. This oldie but goody I am reviewing today is called the Broken Heart Empty Belly Diet: Allowing depression to whip you into shape. (And I'm only kind of, sort of making this diet up). This weight loss is dedicated to all my single fluffies on this day of lurve..don't hate on us married folk...just stick it to us by looking like a hot lonely skank.

At this point of my life I cared about books not looks.
But seriously, how almost anorexic do I look?

(And be glad you are not hitched, being partnered up adds about 100lbs to your luscious frame..because your fat wonderful partner can't stand to be fat wonderful by themselves and shoves cake down your mouth. Yes it's their fault...as always)

What is this Broken Heart Empty Belly Diet?
Dieters are encouraged to go out and find the cutest piece of tail they can lay their eyes on (which means you have to be somewhat sober), fall madly in love, and then coax their beloved jerk to either a) Dump them on their Birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, birth of their love child day through text message or b) leave you for the dumbest person alive. Because nothing sends you into a horrible starving depression diet like the knowledge that the love of your life left you for a downgrade. As a side note: Husband if you are reading this, if you ever decide to cheat on me,(which I do not advise for your safety), it better be with Salma Hayek or Angelina Jolie....anyone else would be an insult...thank you. After a couple of weeks of dieting, Dieter's find a reduction in belly bloat (from the lack of free fancy dinners and alcohol), and tight arse (from having to walk all over the place)

How does this diet work?
Back in my college days, when I lost weight (like 5 a gazillion pounds) I was often asked what my secret was,  and here it is: I was a sucker for love. It was my romantical tendencies that got my heart stomped, trampled, shattered and broken into two pieces every other week ( I'm not a player because I got crushed a lot), and therefore rendered me unable to eat for half a day or so. Heartbreak led me to starve and gave me a gazillion pound weight loss. So the science behind this diet is simple heartbreak leads to lack of appetite, which leads to  starvation, which leads to temporary anorexia without the hunger pangs (because you're too caught up on losing the love of your week life), which leads to new hot skanky body.

Are there downfalls?
Like many other diets, Dieter's do fall prey to failing if say for example: their new hot skanky body lands them a new hubba hubba with a six pack.....it will only lead you to eating your happiness away. Although, temporarily this diet is a good way to losing 200 lbs (in jerk weight) eventually it seems these dieters regain jerk weight or permanent weight via a life partner.

Happy Valentine's Day! I love each and everyone of you stalkers.

xoxoxoxo,
Once upon a time I weighed 5 lbs less
Cynthia

PS I think Jennifer Aniston and JLO have mastered this diet....just saying they keep it moving.