You know what I hate about New Years Resolutions? That there is always like a million bitches who weigh 90 pounds proclaiming they are going to lose 10 pounds (from their non-existent big arse) thus causing every treadmill in America to experience a 3 hour wait line to WALK for 30 minutes. And as a fluffy bitch with a gazillion pounds to lose it just works my last nerve that I have to share my weight loss journey along side a skank with no butt for the whole month of January...because we all know you cannot spot a skank in the gym after January to save your life. Well that is until April-May when they start their Marie Claire Bikini workout (barf). This is why I have decided that I am starting my New Years Resolution goals today.
Follow me here, In stead of experiencing 5 hour wait times for the thigh killer stair climber, why not head to the gym now...because you know every skank in their right mind is binging on egg nog and sugar cookies. Meaning you have the gym all to your self...and you can actually workout for 16 days without trying to impress some super model next to you (meaning feel free to gasp for air). Then when January comes you can take a hiatus (that's what famous people like me say when we are taking a break) till February because every skank gives up on their gym crawl by that time and you can continue one gasping for air without judgement.
This is why I am starting my New Year's Resolution Goals early this year.... because I like gasping for air without judgement. And I encourage you all to do the same. Also I want to look great in my New Years Eve pictures while all the skanks are looking bloated (insert evil laugh here).
Are any of you starting your New Year's weight loss goals early?
xoxoxo
Cynthia
And PS I was trying to get my hair to look like a rats nest ala Cynthia Bailey from Real Housewives of Atlanta. How did I do?
This is why I am starting my New Year's Resolution Goals early this year.... because I like gasping for air without judgement. And I encourage you all to do the same. Also I want to look great in my New Years Eve pictures while all the skanks are looking bloated (insert evil laugh here).
Are any of you starting your New Year's weight loss goals early?
xoxoxo
Cynthia
And PS I was trying to get my hair to look like a rats nest ala Cynthia Bailey from Real Housewives of Atlanta. How did I do?
haha I love this! mostly because I started my " going back to the gym" routine at the end of november. Cause lord knows January is no longer a safe month to work out without being judged. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOMG - this is TOO funny, and sooo true!
ReplyDeleteFortunately, I have a work schedule that's different from most of the yuppies in my neighborhood, which means I can go to the clubhouse gym when everyone else is at work. But I still probably won't go very often b/c I plan on running some outdoors (um, I guess we'll see if that pans out!)
ReplyDeleteAnd...gulp...I'm one of those "skinny bitches" that always wants to lose 10 lbs. But to make everyone feel better, I haven't actually lost any weight at all, and have serious muffin top right now. We all have our goals, I guess...
First of all - You are so PRETTY!!
ReplyDeleteI guess I am a chicken wing now. Don't eat me LOL.
Have a great day :-)
I nearly peed myself I laughed so hard! I loved this PSA.
ReplyDelete@Larissa... Amen Sister. Leave the Gym in January for the crazies.
ReplyDelete@Violinista and @Rosalie you are two cool chicken wings...I will try not to eat you both.....but no promises
@Paloma Cruz Gald you enjoyed!!! Thank you for commenting
This is BRILLIANT!!!
ReplyDeleteTHis is so hilarious..yes the ones that be trying to lose ten lbs and are looking like they are already starving omg..that is killing me it is so true!
ReplyDeleteI stumbled onto your blog and I gotta say you are freaking hysterical!
ReplyDelete