The Fat Whisperer

In some circles I have began to be known as the Fat or Fluffy Whisperer. Apparently I speak Fluffy code. At first when I was told this, I thought people meant that Doughnuts speak to me....which they do. Doughnuts often yell at me and say " Inhale me now you Fluffy Queen!" ( no matter how they yell, they always call me Fluffy Queen and sound like a ghost...weird huh?). And because I suffer from oldest child in a Latino family syndrome, I inhale the doughnut for fear the doughnut may not like me....or worse... fear that the doughnut might take my non-inhalation as a critique of its wonderful fried flavor....and I DO NOT want that to happen. Far too many doughnuts have complexes if you ask me.

But back to me being a Fluffy Whisperer, apparently people ( meaning you my loyal fluffatiers)  call me that, not because I speak to food, which I do, but because to my amazement I speak Fluffy code.Meaning I, in all my literary genius , have been able to put into words that which Fluffy people of Fluffy at heart people (AKA Skinny Skanks who eat more than I do) think inside their fluffy but well proportioned heads.

 Now the reason this is exciting to me is....I am currently looking for a job and I am overjoyed at the fact I can now list the Fluffy dialect next to Languages known. Because yes, in the past I have listed Barrio Spanish as one of my skills, meaning I can speak ghetto in Spanish too.

Which brings me back to my job hunt...I'm wondering if BRAVO is looking to for a new show. C'mon follow me here. The Fluffy Whisperer will follow around the Fluffy Queen (me) as she visits fluffy bitches and the fluffy at heart and translates real life situations for the viewer. I can just imagine my first episode, I'm going to follow around Wendy Williams ( a fluffy at heart...because she is a total foodie). In fact I'm going to give you a sneak peak into our pilot episode titled: Wendyisms (her term for Fluffy code...I know it) here for you:


 How You Doin'- I just had some cake so I can be cordial and pretend to care how your doing.
(BTW the reason she squints her eyes and pouts to you as she asks...she's picturing you as a big juicy steak....it makes the ask more believable)

Friend In Her Head- She could totally see you and her inhaling chocolate together while watching a exercise video.

Luxuriate- To roll around in a bed of of ice cream, chocolate syrup, whip cream , nuts.....and hold the cherry cause we are not healthy here.

Of course I will do all this while in my drag outfit...eyelashes and all! I get chills just thinking about it, and don't act as if you wouldn't watch. I can see you already making your I Love that Fluffy Bitch Queen 99 cent t-shirts with extra glitter already.

Aren't my photoshop skills fabulous? I got this pic of the Wendy Williams site and put my own fluffy touch on it, so don't sue me!

xoxoxo,
The SuperStar herself Cynthia

PS If ANYONE ever associated with my talk show idol Wendy Williams were to ever read this.....I am not worthy!