OMG....My Family is Fat!

I am interrupting my regularly scheduled fluff post ( which was going to be informative for once..yeah right ) to say the following : I'm surrounded by fluffies.

Ok so this doesn't show I'm surrounded by fluffies, but rather clowns, which in this family is interchangeable
Botero Painting, Circus People

Being surrounded by fluffies is not a bad thing...unless you are like me and  trying to lose a freaking gazillion pounds by New Years...because really I'm tired of having the same fucking gosh darn New Year's Resolution of losing a gazillion pounds in three weeks. I need space for my Go Skinny Dipping in Your Jacuzzi ( I would have said something fancy like the Mediterranean...but I'm not down with all the germs associated with Europe....I mean they are known for the plague). Anyways, getting that shit crossed off my list is hard to do when you have the following happening my house:

Example A:  Younger sister going on a diet with you to be your moral support. ( Just wait a minute before you go aww). 

Me:  Hey What are you having for breakfast this morning?

Teenage BWitch: Peanut Butter Cups from Sprouts. ( begins to open package)

Me: Gives WTF look.

Teenage Witch: What? It's organic...you know healthy, you want one?

Me:  Yes Err,no we are suppose to start a juice fast today.

Teenage Witch: Oh... well I'm sure there is juice in here somewhere, lemme check ( yes because she is that lazy she can't say Let ME). Calories: not important...Fat: who cares...Cholesterol:  OMG!

Me: What..... is that bad?

Teenage Witch: No it's just OMG.

Me: Huh? 

Teenage Witch: Oh that is so cute...Cynthia this means you can have it cuz it has like OMG for like 5 different things...I never knew this is where OMG came from.

                 

Me: ( giving that confuzzled look, while grabbing a peanut butter cup, because I have to have sugar in order not to kill her) Give me the wrapper? Show me "OMG" ( hands wrapper and points to "OMG") Dumbass Young Child this says ZERO milligrams.

                

Retarded Teenage Witch: Ohh...( looks away, but says>>>) But don't you feel less guilty for eating  it when it says OMG?

(FYI, I said fuck it to my juicing this morning opted for a light breakfast with hopes of starting juicing in the afternoon...until......)

Example B:

               

  Me:  ( talking to parents in the car) We have an hour to kill before we have to pick-up your retarded child my sister, what do you guys want to do?

                

 Parents: ( looking depressed) I guess we can go look around in store. ( my father sighs)

                

 Me: What's the matter?

                

Dad: Hmmm nothing, it's just you haven't fed me and I'm hungry.

               

 Me: We just left the house ( looks in rear view mirror sees sad face ...changes tone in voice) Ok,What do you want to eat? Pollo Loco?

              

Dad : (who should be on a diet but is in fluffy denial). Hmmmm no

               

Me: Want to go have some healthy rice bowls?

               

Mom: Pfft...I'm not a rabbit

               

Me: (sees father's face light up when we pass McDonalds) You want McDonalds?

             

Dad: Ayy, you only think about eating gorda (have we discussed how I hate that word?)... but we're here so vamos (Spanish for "go")....I just want a sundae with fries...Oh can I have pollitos? (<<<means my dad is an extra fatass and wants chicken nuggets too)

Mom: Ayy...I want a Bic Mac...and don't be getting a salad to make us look unhealthy...Get a McRib or ice cream with fries?

As you can see being surrounded by fluffies can be bad for your diet...although I do think my mom had a point with Ice Cream being the best option because it's "basically liquid like juice and goes through you faster"

XOXO,

I just might be fat for life...aka Cynthia

PS If you like reading my family stories check out this anonymous post about this poor poor girl (who I bet has had to turn to donuts to console herself from beatings..just saying wink wink) talking about how her mother calls abuse love taps. Go here to  Tiki Tiki Blog to read my anonymous post. Please comment on the site and share widely ( or you might make me eat my feelings again)