Moving To Africa

Once upong a time in a land far away in Northern Uganda there lived a King who had a thing for Fluffy bitches! And I'm not talking my kind of fluffy...I'm talking about the kind of fluffy that can't move. Here is the best part...he made them that way. Yes, story goes that King Rumanika (that's his government name..but let's refer to him as King Fluff Stalker)  loved his better halves, and there were many, so extra plump and juicy that he would put them up in a hut (that's African talk for palace) and fluff them up until they were to his royal liking.

I just have to say this:Oh My Gawd...how fluff'n cool is that shit, that you get to be put up in some royal hut (which you know had to be all kinds of extra fancy) and eat your weight in donuts (or whatever the fluffy Ugandan equivalent of donuts is)...My mouth is salivating just thinking about all the sexy cabana boys that the skinny bitch discriminator King is probably sending my way ,because he thinks they're ugly and no sexual attraction will occur, to hand feed me cupcakes......Excuse me I need a moment.

Anyways...I bring up Uganda and King Fluff Stalker, because I'm on day two of being a good girl and eating all sorts of healthy shit and it's depressing. I'm not sure who said eating clean makes you feel good...but take it from this fat ass pleasantly plump person ... they are LYING.

Your body feels horrid, because FACT #1: digesting a cupcake is easier than trying to digest fiber..that shit just goes right through you..seriously I need you to be as grossed out as I am. And right now, day dreaming about a society in which I am a Queen in Waiting being hand fed butter is the only thing keeping me from trying to stab myself with a carrot.

Yes, today's post is bitter...but that's how it is when your body is detoxing cupcakes and red vines important nutrients. But at least you know I'm back on the skinny bitch wagon.


Because I barely have the energy to wave today (Fact #2: carrots do not give you as much energy as a sugar rush), I'm putting up the Peace sign ( trying hard not to flip you off) and Saying "Feed Me",

Cynthia