Yes I have been MIA, on a life imposed communication hiatus. All I have to say is this: since my last post I have sung Cum bi ya several dozen times, I have "soiled" nature ( this is what happens with no running water), cried Why Baby Jesus Why more times than I care to remember, and I have turned the dreaded big 2-9. In other words I have done nothing but stuffed my gorgeously plump face with cupcakes as I wonder why no one has invented a thunder thigh rash guard...that works.
This brings me to reason 5,899 why my fluff-arse needs to lose weight...I can't take the irritation in between my things any longer...really... I can't be cute and fluffy when it hurts to take a step and I fear starting a fire. And since I refuse to walk around with a fire extinguisher...or wait on the fire department to come to the rescue ( here in California, I have been rudely informed that my "personal wild fire" does not take precedence over forest fires... can you believe that shit? Since when is Smokey more important than me?), I have decided the time has finally come for me to get serious about the this weight loss thing and CUT OFF my inner thighs. Because lets face it....I will always have thunder thighs...even if I got to skinny skank status....my thighs would still rub...and slowly but surely de-thread my new and expensive skank jeans ( although on a positive light...my new skank attire might welcome the au-natural "holey" look).
Ok Ok Ok...I"m not going to saw off my thighs.....we all know I don't handle pain well. But....this thigh rash incident got me thinking how I've got one thing in common with some skinny skanks...and it made me feel as if I'm getting closer to Skankdom...and that excited me.
Actually, reason 5,899 of why I need to lose the fluff is next year on September 16,2012 I will be...gulp gulp gulp....30. And being that I peaked early in life, and felt I could cruise the last three years or so....I got a reality check that I gotta step it up...SO that when I am 80 yrs old, I can tell some skinny Nurse that is loading me up on the good meds, that I was a skinny sexy bish in my 20's. That's all I live for...the ability to tell people when I"m old....I looked GEWD once upon a time..and not have to lie...because I will lie if I have too.
Anyways, Turning 29, has:
1. Sent me into a cupcake eating depression with thoughts of goals never reached.And I have found it hard to type a blog with cupcakes in my hand
2. Made me realize that the number 9 is more evil than people think...and is the bearer of bad news.
3. Made me do a mad dash to accomplish my Goal list...to which I have to say... Damn you...16 yr old idealistic Cynthia for thinking you could accomplish it all! Lower your damn standards.
That is all! I'm now off to save the starving children of Africa, run for political office, live in 10 countries, publish a book, and lose a gazillion pounds...according to 16 yr old me..I should be done within a week...so see you soon.