So this weight release is not happening fast enough for me. I’m like on month two, and I was thinking I would of have been down to at least a size 0 worrying about “oh no, I’m getting too skinny” type shit. Instead I’m making sure I say Release instead of lose, because The Secret has me paranoid that my body is thinking it will be sending out a search party into the candy store for that “lost” pound, type shit. I walk .75 miles (so says my pedometer) with my fury daughter Chaplin, before she poops out and makes me carry her the rest of the remaining 4.25 miles of my torture walk ( I think of it as built in 3.5 lbs. strength training time).
I yoga, I Reiki my fat cells, wear a damn girdle that is supposed to re-shape my lard while cutting off my oxygen supply, I deal with my emotions the grown up way( Just let me have this one today), and I only ate half of that cupcake the other day (ok, two thirds…I still have guilt about it) I’ve even tried meditation twice, given myself a limpia (a superstitious tradition in which, for my case, I killed two chickens via my local Stater Bros, cracked an egg over my head, and then chanted in tongue what I thought was some fat release whatever….turns out it might have been a rain chant by the sight of the moist ground yesterday morning).
Quite frankly, if I hadn’t announced my Weight Release Endeavors to the whole freaking world...I would have quit already. I would have blamed whatever weight gain I would have been experiencing on some illness, the climate change, or on the fact that you must be seeing things….Change your damn prescription already. But, because I made this grand announcement, and was initially successful (I chronically suffer from peaking early, then losing interest), I now have to become this hooker heel wearing skinny tramp that has to hold on to trees during Santa Ana high wind season. And truthfully, because my body is not cooperating with me at the moment….I’m left to come up with half-brained Lucy type schemes to re-jump this weight release.
This is my list from last night: