Skank Phrase of the Day: Getting Bikini Ready

This is an official notice to make you aware: I'm still poor and hungry.  Whoever won the mega millions, I wish I could say I'm happy for you, but I'm not. And since, I can no longer bank on my plan to transplant my gorgeous head onto some skanky body, I now have to starve all my jelly diet......again.

I was going to put off this dieting thing up until 1 week before my 30th birthday (And in case you do not read this blog enough, it's September 16th), like a fluffy-pro. But last week I got to meet the beautiful Rosie Mercado.... and bitch is looking good (as always). I mean she's got the weight loss thing down. And I figure, if I'm going to stalk idolize and pose like her in front of the mirror.... I best channel my inner skank and get this dieting thing into full swing. Also....their may be more fluff to lose than possible in one week.

Getting Ready for Rosie's Interview with Latino 411

Mega Millions Fluffy Style

For the few out there that are so rich that 540 million dollars is chump change and you see no need to cut a bitch in order to get your hands on a winning lottery ticket; I am available for adoption..... I come fully trained as the perfect daughter... and I'm pretty.

For the rest of you, I will let you in on what I'm going to do when I become a Rich Bitch, thanks in advance mega millions.
1.With my first million I will be able to transplant my head on this body

Like so, and yes I will walk around in this kind of attire ALL THE DAMN TIME.

2.In order to maintain body pictured in #1 I will enter a fancy cookie rehab (being a hot trollop takes money).

3. I haven't daydreamed this far out yet, but let's just say it will probably involve glitter, donuts, and a secluded Fluffy filled island for when I relapse..

By the way, did you know in Spanish they refer to winning the lottery as "pegale al gordo" (hit the fat man, as in strike it rich)....Again I will call this badgering of the fat people, and as compensation I will accept the millions on the fluffy army's behalf. You see how self-sacrificing I am?

Have you guys bought tickets? Besides giving me half of your cut...what other things would you do with so much money?

Xoxoxo,

Rich Fluffy Bitch

PS do expect me act a complete mess when I win, wigs will be flying.

And the Stale Donut Awards Go To...

I realize I am delayed on this response, but anybody else here upset with the fluffy fashion choices at the Academy Awards? I mean seriously, with the exception of one actress (my new fluffy fascination, Octavia Spencer)..I felt like the fashion was screaming "Hey I'm fat , you like my sparkly muu muu".

By the way if you are wondering why my response was delayed.....I had to take a moment to filter myself. I didn't want Blogger to ban me for donut chucking threats against the designers and stylists who allowed the Fluffy Mafia out in public like that.

Let's start with Melissa McCarthy. My disappointment in her fashion choice can perhaps be likened to the disappointment my parents felt with my choice in a writing career-"Why?"

Let's start with the fact that the only uncovered parts of her body are her face and forearms. Ok, in a way I understand the covering up of your arms...I've been there. But you know what I hate as much as I hate skinny bitches who eat more than I do? Those frilly see through butterfly-like arms, why do plus size dress designers think that shit is ok? It reminds me of frumpy mother of the bride, not "I'm a Oscar nominated Actress" *snap snap*. Also, anybody else think this dress is wearing her, not the other way around....I expected more...I feel your pain mom and dad.